A Fax from Mr. Brown

Kharma's a bitch. My mom likes to tell the story of how as a baby she had left me sitting in the middle of the living room clad only in my diaper. It was a hot sticky Seoul summer and the hardwood-ed living room was the coolest place in the house. She stepped away for a second and came back to find me, sans diaper, covered in the ahem, fruit of my diaper. Lest the absolute disgusting-ness of it all had escaped me, she often goes on to describe how I had it in my hair, all over the floor, on my face, in my mouth, on the ceiling, on the neighbor's cat, etc...

Well because what goes around comes around...
Last weekend, around 8 am I was feeding Moo in bed. K was taking a shower. I heard Pig scuttling about in her crib. Usually, she'll play for about 30 minutes quietly before she starts yelling for us. Suddenly, I heard a large THUMP. I sprang out of bed and ran to her room and threw open the door. My heart pounding I checked for broken bones. Whew, all good. I expected to see Pig crumpled by her crib instead she stood by it pants-less, diaper-less and.... Wait what the hell is that odor? Like I even had to ask myself that question. Like the answer wasn't right there before me all over my crying toddler like a Jackson Pollack painting....straight from my fecophobic nightmares.

I could hear K behind me, the stench having just sucker-punched his olfactory receptors. I grabbed a crying Pig and made haste to the bathroom. While K stripped the bedding from Pig's crib, I scrubbed Pig like mad.

It's all my fault. You see a few weeks prior, we had walked into Pig's room and found her again pants and diaper free. She had thrown her diaper out of her crib and just as K walked in, she was poised over a turd about to heave it over board as well. As I scrubbed Pig and K sanitized her room, I said something very very stupid, "well at least it was a turd and not one of those nasty squishy ones."

I just had to tempt fate.

I just have to ask, what is with us and poo? Followers of this blog may recall the great dog diarrhea extravaganza of 2008. And before that, was the episode K and I like to refer to as "Kirb's left front quarter panel is brown." (Nutshell: Kirb pooped in his dog carrier and then danced in it, we had to clean him in the parking garage with a hose at 2 am) And before that, dog diarrhea extravaganza 2003 (Nutshell: Kirb ate some Christmas cactus and then went #3 in his crate and, you guessed it, danced in it. I was home alone.)