Slowly Losing my Mind

There's this episode of The Ren and Stimpy Show called "Space Madness" where the pair have been stuck roaming aimlessly through outer space. Ren slowly loses his mind and ultimately finds himself staring at a bar of soap, lovingly calling it his ice cream bar. Wracked by paranoia, he convinces himself that Stimpy is planning to steal said ice cream bar. I thought of this as I was washing my hands with a bar of soap the other day... I really need it to stop snowing.

Snowmageddon came with a vengeance and dumped about 40 inches total. At first, it was fun waking up and looking out the window to see white, white, white as far as the eye could see. But the novelty wore off pretty fast. The roads were in awful condition so the kids' daycares were closed and work was closed for me for 4 days. The kids and I were home alone for the first two days. It started off terribly, I've been experiencing horrid insomnia as of late so mornings have been especially rough for me.

After feeding the kids breakfast and cleaning the kitchen and clearing the floor of the daily detritus, snow that Kirb tracks in and the food that the kids manage to flick off their trays, we head downstairs to play. I plopped Moo onto the foam mats and Pig and I rummage through the toy bin. Pig loves anything Dora and has a Dora doll and a plastic purple Backpack that plays the "Backpack! Backpack!" song from Dora the Explorer. Her Elmo and Cookie Monster dolls are also particularly beloved. These are things she refuses to share with her brother and of course they're also the things that Moo makes a beeline for.

Basically it's meant mornings and afternoons spent keeping the peace in the barnyard. Pig would run up and snatch a toy out of her brother's hands and he would scream in anger. I would ask Pig to share with her brother and she would clutch the toy more firmly to her chest and run off. Problem is, I can understand why Pig is being so possessive. First of all, she's two and she's in her mine, mine, mine stage big time. Second, she fears that her brother is usurping all of the attention that had been solely hers and these fears are further reinforced every time we ask her to share her toys with him. Third, with the language barrier, we can't really explain to her that when she was Moo's age we humored her every whim as well so it's not that we're showing preferential treatment.

Pig has been challenging me nonstop this week. There is a Korean folktale about a little green frog or chung gaegoree. Without fail, the little frog did the exact opposite of what his mother asked him to do. The story ends sadly so I won't go into detail but Pig has been exhibiting little green frog tendencies. I've ended up scolding and meting out time out sessions and while I know that it's all for Pig's own good, it leaves me feeling very low at the end of the day. I've had Pig look at me mournfully, scornfully and it just hits home that my best girl is growing up way too fast. You see, Moo still gazes up at me with a heartbreakingly sweet expression, his grey eyes absolutely limpid and trusting. The contrast of their expressions these days makes me think sadly of how Pig used to look at me...back when her wants and needs were simple and I could fulfill them easily and without reservation.